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University; leaving my interests behindUniversity; leaving my interests behindDiary

MarshmawoMarshmawo1 år sedan
I dont know if a post like this is even allowed, despite the "diary" option, and im not really sure if it belongs here but theres nowhere else that i can go really. tumblr, maybe, but i know no one would see it. also this is probably going to be mostly vent but good stuff too maybe? it does tie into the mfc stuff and anime in general later i promise lmao i just need to get some things out where i know people will see, but not so much that ill get a response? im not sure, but i know some people will be able to relate.

tl;dr big BIG diary about my general life for the past 4 or so years > anime > anxiety about liking anime and wanting to forget about liking anime

this is gonna be SUPER long but ill bold the bit where i actually talk about figure collecting stuff if you just wanna skip to that:)

anyway!

im starting university soon. i know this is kind of a normal statement youd see but its so.. Big? for me? i had spent my entire life genuinely and wholly believing uni was for "the smart kids" and so up until literally 5 or so months ago i just avoided anything to do with university, as i was just like eh i know i wont get those grades so its fine, im good with college. but that was also when i was consumed by anxiety and obsession. i am so much better mentally now and while i know anxiety still eats away at me, which ill get into later, im So much better. before, i couldnt think on my own and could barely speak on my own since i had been so isolated for 6 or so years. but im good now! its a lot better. in my first year of college i was on my own and very content with going through college on my own, but in the second year i made friends, but then it turned into something not so friendly which led to obsession. i hope they dont find this oof but its better now! definitely.

i also had pretty bad depression during this, which only got horrendously worse in my second, third and fourth year. not to get ~super personal~ but i was almost put on a suicide watch list and things were pretty uncomfortable for a while. im better now, but it all escalated very quickly, and i had never intended on making it to 18, let alone make it to university, which is why its so big for me i guess.

oof anyway, i pushed pretty hard to get into uni with literally nothing, and i was pretty convinced i wouldnt get in but it was worth a shot anyway. i had been tutored most of my childhood and at literally the last minute (a month before exams) my tutor kicked us out because my mum disagreed with him on something. so i went into college with no grades, at all, and they only let me in because i was enthusiastic lmao, enthusiasm does get you places!

i ended up going with animal care purely because thats all i knew i could do, and they let me in with nothing, which was nice of them. at this point i was super into anime but not really figure collecting, im pretty sure i got my figure the next year because i remember a friend (first irl friend i made in 6 years lol) commenting on my snapchat story and i got all anxious and paranoid and couldnt reply to her:(

toward the end, i realised i really want to do translating, or specifically translating or teaching kids english. i also really like japan. and i know they need english teachers over there so.. why not combine my interests?
though, i realised, i have literally nothing. no grades from school, no anything. all i have was my english gcse exam grade i got the year prior.

which i ended up getting a high B grade on, and had the highest grade in animal care for that exam.. that i wrote fanfiction for. no shit i didnt know what to do so i just wrote hetalia cowboy fanfiction and got a high B for it. not complaining, its just something nice to laugh at lmao, all those years of writing gay irl country fanfiction came to fruition

so anyway, after realising i want to get into language, which means really all i need is a good english grade, i just pushed to get good grades on what i already had, which was hard since i wasnt interested anymore. i love animals with my whole heart but there just wasnt something there for me anymore.

despite that, with help from friends i got good grades and sent off my info. after a good two months of pushing and shoving to get help from my parents (they Do want to help, they just procrastinate so bad) i finished everything yesterday and will be up to collect my keys on the 22nd!:)

i feel like i should just end this here, im happy with how things have gone now that ive read it all over. i think i can say i was dealt a pretty bad hand as a kid, with spending a lot of time in hospital for physical illnesses then having to go back in as a teen for mental ones, but in the end its come out quite nice.

though i know thats not really what this is all about, this Is a figure collecting website after all so i wanted to talk about that too.

here is where i talk about wanting to forget about anime/figure collecting etc if you just wanna skip the boring parts lol

i mentioned in a previous diary/article whatever that i was still anxious and.. sad about liking anime. its not even that big of a deal and i Know that but theres still that part of me that is so scared about what other people think. anime is so popular now, literally everyone is on netflix watching like opm or whatever that its not even a bad thing now. writing that gave me kind of a sense of clarity but ill go on.

i look around my room and while i have VERY little merch, i think "ah i want to bring this katsuki plush" or "i want to bring this lucky star figma" etc etc but then i worry, so so much, what if someone comes to my room and they see it? despite anime being so popular now, there is and will always be that idea that anime is for kids. people have the same reaction toward seeing anime plushies/figures in someones room as they do toward adults having toys and action figures. i know people will push and say yea but its better, and yes it is better! but there are still people who think its weird, i have a friend whos very, for lack of a better word, normie and while will accept that i like anime, still thinks its weird and gets weirded out if i suggest we watch something that i know she'll like but that she wont watch Because its anime.

i get it, anime and kids shows are both animated so youre gonna think its all for kids. like honestly most western animated shows are going to be geared toward kids, but a show like koe no katachi isnt, the only thing it shares is the animation aspect. i dont really know what im trying to say, im just trying to vent i suppose.

tl;dr again, basically now that im starting university, im considering just.. leaving all this behind. while i LOVE collecting, the idea of someone seeing my stuff and reducing me to "the weeb friend" or thinking "this is an adult with kids stuff" sets a horrible feeling in my stomach. i dont know, i just hate the idea of being reduced to just one thing, im more than that. its not even that big of a deal! yet it still makes me uncomfortable because there will always be that idea that this is kids stuff.

despite all this, ive come to have a nihilistic(? not sure if this is the right word) point of view on things. we're only around for like what, 70 or so years, 80 if we're lucky? so that kinda puts a time limit on all this. so while im here i want to do things that makes me happy. like if youre told you only have an hour to play your favourite game, youre gonna want to play it how you want to play it, not in a way that will make other people happy.

i guess i kind of went off on a really really long tangent. im very divided on how i feel about things, part of me really wants to love anime because its not that big of a deal and i can like what i want, but the other part wants me to give up on it all because im scared of what others will say and that theyll think im weird/avoid me if they know.

aah ill probably just delete this later, but it was good to get things out. venting is good for you.
2,040 visningar • 0 favorit25 kommentarer

Kommentarer25

Be more than your hobbies. You are you first, then your beliefs, then your interests. Your hobbies won't get in the way of being a good person, so just do that first and don't worry about the rest.

BTW what others think of you is very important, so do care about it. But you can change what others think of you.
1 år sedan
Well Idk but I think rooms are for you to feel comfortable in. If there's a place to be decorated for guests, that is your living room.
I'm a PhD student living in a studio, with my anime merch and posters placed neatly on my shelves and walls, because that makes me happy being in my own room that I'm paying $1000+ a month to keep. If people I bring to my room can't cope with my interests, they can go f*ck a telenovela or American TV show equivalent and stop being my friend. Same goes for my mom, actually, who is the stereotypical anime-hater. I wonder what she'll say this November when she comes to visit me and sees my new room, but she'll have no choice but to shut her mouth unless she wants to stay for a month paying for a hotel room *shrug*
1 år sedan
I moved into my university a month ago and I have a few art prints on my walls and 4 figures on my desk. I was worried at first, but people are surprisingly ok with it. You’ll be fine.
1 år sedan
Hey, recent university graduate here. First off, languages are a great choice!(I might be biased because I studied languages too though lol) I hope you enjoy your time studying, and everything the future brings after.
I was a bit nervous too when I started uni, but then I found out my school had an anime club with about 200 people waaaaay more into anime than I was, none of them were the least bit ashamed about it, and nobody I talked to had ever had a very negative experience because of what they liked. I eventually moved my few figures I had back then and even my anime body pillow into my dorm, and the 20 girls I lived with either didn't care at all or thought it was great! Because of this, I ended up bonding with another girl who was nervous about liking anime and she became one of my best friends. Basically all I'm saying is that there is no shame in enjoying things, and who knows! Maybe something great will come out of it :)
1 år sedan
SebastianLover1 år sedan#67391638You've probably been told to just not care what other people think. This is the best attitude to have, but it's easier said than done, and probably seems impossible to you at this point.......
Truth is, even when we "don't care what others think", that is usually us following that motto because someone else said that to us i.e. "we know we are not alone because others are just doing their own thing too" ;) At times, it could just degrade to merely disagreeing with the existing status quo for the sake of not conforming. Reminds me of the following cartoon:-

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fd/dc/0c/fddc0caa77783f49008c70d921d7e182.jpg
or this one lol
https://erikbuys.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/conformity-homogeneous-originality.png
So at the end of the day, the only way to truly be free of what others think is to find the objective truth about life, and then conform ones life according to the principles that stem from that truth (regardless of what others may think). If its an objective truth, your adherence to it would be independent of what others believe (since objective truths are true independent of others).
1 år sedan
I got my inspiration for collecting when I once visited a Teaching Assistant at University, and saw they had unopened set of all 4 Ninja Turtles (from the 80s cartoon) displayed on a shelf :)! Obviously, that is not even a show for adults, but I couldn't help feeling a sense of appreciation lol.

Anyway, all of that aside, I think its probably not a bad idea to focus your attention on your studies while at University, especially during your bachelors degree. Since you will likely be on your own, you would want to balance your budget. Last thing you want to worry about are pre-orders for figures and such. Once you are over that hurdle and enter graduate school, or work, then you will know what to do.

So my advise would be to leave the collecting aspect behind for now and focus on your studies. Return to the hobby later in life if you still feel interested.
1 år sedan
MFC is copying my comments. :/
1 år sedan
First of all, it’s incredibly great that you’ve seen an improvement in your life, between university and a better mental state. You are admirable. If you find yourself lost, go anywhere, even MFC for assurance. That can include me if you need it for whatever reason. Aight...

Look at Elon Musk. Anime profile pictures, anime tweets, and he’s a tech billionaire. Before you misinterpret my point, I’m not saying he’s proof everything is “all good” between society and anime. I’m also not saying “LOOK- SUCCESS AND ANIME! ANIME CAN’T HOLD YOU BACK! BELIEVEEEE!” Anyways. Elon Musk + anime is an odd combination (considering his fame/status) that has happened, yes, but the presentation of the whole deal is kind of a meme rather than that he’s an anime fan. Plus, Musk would be much less judged than any other fan or person related to anime. However, I feel he’s not pardoned from the critique the average joe would dish up due to being rich and successful. Or rather that’s not what you have to be to have your opinion be untouchable.

No, I’d say it’s due to the air about him. I’m not waking into “he’s being himself even though he’s a billionaire and CEO.” Haha. If you can carry yourself in the MANNER such a person would, with confidence, sincerity, and the entitlement to be content, you’re all set to show the public you’re a person brimming with personality, authority and free will.

If people will judge you because you like anime to the point of not wanting to be even your acquaintance, then why spend so much time worrying about people who don’t bat an eye over your except to pick on your passion. There’s 100% no way to change their mind on anime. So be it, no big deal. But don’t change your’s?

You’ll have a higher chance of connecting to people through this interest than by giving it up. There’s millions of people out there, and those who may even hate anime may meet with you at the middle. Don’t please everyone or try and appease any desire to be universally palatable as a person. One unshared interest is no blow to a relationship when there is so much more to one.

Discarding anime for other people would seriously screw you up later, it’s very possible. Nothing about who you are as an individual will evolve. There’s no point. You’d regret it. Many people would rather you go about with your life then change for them. Sure, they wouldn’t know you changed and would see you as a “normal” person. Gaps between you and others would be bridged. But...focus on the opportunities where you don’t have to do that. Anyone who judges you off the bat because you like anime, and to the point of avoidance, over anything else is just...weird.

You’re so willing to accept fundamental differences that you’d give up anime to be more accepted. It’s mature of you to be open to people who aren’t like you and disagree. If those you are looking to be accepted by those who wouldn’t broaden their horizons, they are not worth it. At all. That’s where they are too different from you. They don’t give back. Do not try to impress such people who would forge an unsteady bond. If they can’t even try to accept Japanese animation, then I can assure you they will suck at many other aspects of a relationship. Don’t adapt for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.

If you’d lose a POTENTIAL friend’s favor if they knew of your love of anime, that’s a hilarious image they have crafted. Focus on the companionship of the people who are chill or above with anime. They will be more relatable off the bat. Plus, more understanding. A vital skill to have.

It’s not a big deal if people walk away from you because you like anime.

Also look at Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. They had polar-opposite political opinions and died with a great friendship. So, even if someone despises anime, if they can accept you then go for it. unless you change your opinion of anime into something it’s not, even if you relinquish it, you’ll never agree with any new anti-anime friends.

+the fact your write Hetalia fanfic for that is so fucking badass lol

Have a good one.
1 år sedan
You've probably been told to just not care what other people think. This is the best attitude to have, but it's easier said than done, and probably seems impossible to you at this point. You sound like you're a lot like me. I spend a lot of time worrying how other people see me to the point that I have a general persona when I meet new people until I feel comfortable enough to open up. My advice to you is to push yourself to the point where you're uncomfortable and anxious but not spiraling. You need to put your true self out there at least a little. In the long run, this will make you less anxious and your life will be easier. So if being labeled as a weeb is your greatest fear, then if you can make yourself bring something anime related to uni, do it. You need to see for yourself that people's judgments are less hurtful than you expect them to be. It will be hard at times, but the you 10 years from now will thank you for taking that first step.

Even though I'm still anxious and paranoid, I'm more open and happier than I was in childhood, high school, or college, and I'm much better at socializing. I've even told my close friends about some of the stupid paranoid thoughts I have and we laugh about it. I've had a lot of moments where I felt like a total idiot because of what I said or did, but I regret the times where I was too afraid to open up way more than the times I felt embarrassed. If I'm really afraid of trying something new, I think about all the lost opportunities I had in life and tell myself to just go for it. Just remember, people's judgments can't kill you, but your anxiety can.
1 år sedan
Congrats entering university!

You'd be surprised how many people are into anime and figure collecting. Plus, I feel like people nowadays are chill and supportive about having a "nerdy" or "childish" hobby compared to say 20 years ago.

You'll definitely find other people who have similar interest as you. You might even have an anime (or Japanese) club at your university.

And like the others said, if other people don't like or care about your hobby, they definitely don't deserve to be a part of your life.


Edit: Also, I'd love to read about your blog and adventure in uni and your oversea trip to Japan!
1 år sedan
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